soitgoes

Home    02/12/2003

I think that I lived in a place in my life (at that time) that my thoughts were that

I should do as much as I can for Her and Her children even though her children had never

given me half a chance to be their mothers husband.

No I wasn’t perfect oh well! The fact is my thoughts were always to try to make sure that

She would not have to worry about anything if I were to die early.. we were both in our 50’s and one never knows?

I will have to say that the worst part of our 9 years of marriage was that I felt that I had

to make all of the decisions, and when I tried to get her to give me input about something

She would just say that I was right, and do what I thought was best.

Now comes the kicker, if I made the wrong decision I was chastised by Her for making a mistake.

So it goes, that's all I have to say about that right now.

03/17/2003

Today, I know that I would never go into a relationship with her ever, I don't know how I made it

for 9 years. Oh! yes it was the Xanax. Hmm! That's why I had to start abusing it.

At that time "2001-2002" I started abusing Xanax, I became confused, why did I always put

her and her family ahead of my Mother, or my family? It was as if the only family I had was

her family, and if I failed to respond to their needs, she would become ill " that is she would say

she was ill to punish me".

So it goes, that's all I have to say about that right now.